9 Ways to Get Off Safely in the Age of Covid-19

Let's face it: this year has been tough on all of us. No movie theaters, concerts, barbeques... and, if you don't live with a sweetheart, no sex. But we all have needs. Read on to find out some safe ways you can get your rocks off during this pandemic.

#1: Mutual Masturbation

Not all sex has to involve penetration. Sometimes it's fun to just watch the look on your partner's face when they're getting themselves off just the way they like it. No messy exchange of fluids, and it's easy to sit 6 feet apart when you only have to worry about touching yourself.

The fun thing about this method is that it doesn't even have to be done in person! With the wonders of technology, you can watch your partner flick the bean or choke the chicken from a distance, using webcams or FaceTime. Which brings us to our next point...

#2: Camming

There are plenty of sites these days where you can pay a woman (or a man!) to perform all your wildest fantasies. These range from sites where you watch a public show in a room full of other fans, or ones where you're in a private one-on-one with the performer. It's up to you to decide which experience you think would be the most fun.

Here are some site suggestions to get you started:

Chaturbate: Perhaps the best known of all the cam sites, Chaturbate is known for its large rooms where bells ring nonstop as skilled performers work for tips. The fun thing about this site is that you can watch the show entirely for free if you want - don't expect to get a lot of attention or have your fantasies catered to if you don't have a budget, but with thousands of performers on at any given time, you'll likely find something that suits you. If you have the dough, you can even request a private show!

Streamate: Similar to Chaturbate, this site is entirely free if you want it to be. With high-quality models performing 24/7, it's impossible for you not to find someone who appeals to your tastes. There's even a handy "New Models" tab where you can find the performers with a little less experience, if your kink involves showing someone the ropes.

NiteFlirt: While it's known as a phone sex site, NiteFlirt also caters to cam lovers out there. In their cam section, you'll find genuine models advertising their varied services. The best part? Your session is completely private! No other guys vying for her attention, no tipping model like the others. You'll have the performer's full attention for the entire duration of the call.

#3: Porn

Okay, so this one's a little obvious. But sometimes the obvious needs to be stated.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the internet is for porn. It's the whole reason it became so widespread, after all! People figuring out that you can share titties and dicks virtually has been the backbone of our internet society for decades.

PornHub, YouPorn, xHamster... There are a million and one options for you to search up anything your wicked little heart desires.

But did you know you can order custom porn? That's right. If nothing you can find tickles your fancy, you can use sites like iWantClips to find a model who will perform to exactly your specifications. It might run you a pretty penny, but you can't put a price on sexual satisfaction, can you?

#4: Glory Holes

If you've ever wanted to get a little freaky, here's your state-sanctioned chance! Yup, that's right, the CDC has officially recommended glory holes as a safe sex alternative in the age of coronavirus.

These sexy anonymous hangouts are the perfect place to get it on while not having to even see the other person's face, let alone worry about them breathing their germs all over you! You'll still need to take the precautions of wearing a condom, as the coronavirus has been found in semen, but you should be doing that anyway if you're at all conscious about your health. Safety first, pleasure next!

#5: Kama Sutra It Up

When you have sex in the missionary position, you may be able to see all the little expressions on your partner's face, but that hot and heavy breathing is just bound to make the bedroom a breeding ground for the virus.

But what if you aren't looking at their face?

That's right. There's a whole world of sexual positions that don't involve breathing each other's air. The world is your oyster to figure them out!

Reverse cowgirl, doggy style, wheelbarrow... If you put your mind to it, you can come up with endless possibilities! There will still be some risk from being so close to someone else, but if you take care to minimize the amount of breath you share, you'll be that much better for it.

#6: Remote Controlled Toys

We're living in the future! And sure, while 2020 has been a major bust for pretty much all of us, that doesn't mean that the entire world has nothing to offer you. Case in point: Lovense.

Lovense is one of many companies that caters to all your long-distance sexual needs. Utilized by camgirls all over, these vibrating toys can be controlled via smartphone by your partner. Forget being 6 feet apart; you can be 6 miles apart and still have fun with these things.

​Prices start at $49 for penile masturbators and $69 for vaginal ones. Even for less than $100, these high-end toys don't disappoint... Trust me. I know from experience.

#7: Costumes

The risk of contracting covid is low when you're only breathing your own air through a big animal headpiece.

If you're gonna wear a mask, it might as well be a fun one, right?

Sure, it may seem a little strange at first, but plenty of people utilize costumes as a part of their sex life. Be it doctor/nurse, teacher/student, or even something freakier, people have been getting off like it's Halloween for years and years.

Take, for example, the noble furry: dressed in extravagant animal masks and furs, these oft-misunderstood kinksters know what it's like to have sex in a mask. The risk of contracting covid is low when you're only breathing your own air through a big animal headpiece.

You may not want to go that far, but there are still plenty of other options if you want to get off in costume. And hey: who knows, it might awaken something in you!

#8: Sexting

Ah, the humble sext. A tradition that started with steamy letters exchanged between lovers, it's evolved into the rapid-fire communication we know and love today.

Yes, with a fast internet connection or good phone signal, you can get off to your honey's sweet words instantly. Get your texting thumbs ready, because you're gonna need 'em.

Don't have anyone to text? There are sites online where you can pay per message to send naughty fantasies back and forth. One such site is SextPanther, where verified cam models will pick up the phone and get off with you whenever you're feeling that itch.

#9: Phone Sex

You know it's my favorite: phone sex!

It may seem old-fashioned, but the phone sex industry is still booming today. Thousands of people pick up the phone to exchange heated, sexy words every single day, because they know something that not many people do.

They know that sometimes, hearing someone's voice while you get off is exactly what you need.

Think about it: what's the best part of sex? Sure, there's the physical pleasure, but what really gets you off is getting your partner off. That hot, sultry voice moaning for you is probably the hottest thing in the world. Why settle for porny moans on a video when you could hear someone say your name, sending tingles down your spine?

Sites like NiteFlirt allow for an easy intro to the phone sex scene. Simply browse through the thousands of ads for every type of person you can imagine, and find someone who particularly tickles your fancy. Sign up for an account, call them, and... boom! You're on your way to the hottest dirty talk imaginable!

If you're skittish, try reading my article on How to Get Over Phone Anxiety and Have Killer Phone Sex. You'll be fired up and ready to get off in no time!

​And, hey, if you want to support the sexy liberal bitch writing these things, join using my affiliate link below for 3 free minutes. You won't regret it.